im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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