I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
