For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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