if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
