It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
