I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
