perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
