Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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