I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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