i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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