I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
