sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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