You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
