i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
