So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
