we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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