I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
