And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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