matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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