I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
