Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
