Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
