im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
