dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
