how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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