Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
