can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
