I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
