drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
