i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
