I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your penis caused this!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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