He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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