dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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