Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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