Swine flu. Run for my life!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
