Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
