She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
