Im at strip club and am horny
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
