Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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