she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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