Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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