He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
