he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize