I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
