I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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