no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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