made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
