I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
