I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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