dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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