I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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