Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
