So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
