A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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