Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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