Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
