A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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