We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
