I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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