I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
