the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
