her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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