i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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