this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
