Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
