...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
