I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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