Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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