I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this hospital has no fireball
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
