I swear she didn't look like that last week.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
