I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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