Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
