All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
