i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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