Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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