whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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