Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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